shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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