I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
