I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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