Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
