we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
