Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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