So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
