Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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