community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
