I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
