I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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