dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
