pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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