how can u be prego again
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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