Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
