Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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