the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
