carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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