I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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