Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
