mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
