so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
