Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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