how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i drank out of a bidet.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
