be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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