please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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