he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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