I got chris browned last night
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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