So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
