Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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