Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
