Plan B is the new Plan A
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
