He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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