We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
