I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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