I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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