You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
