I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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