Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
