she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
