FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
