Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
