3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
