Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
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