Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
