how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
