It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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