Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
