I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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