I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
third nipple confirmed
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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