She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
