his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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