Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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