Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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