Will you blow on my dice?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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