so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
