I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
