I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
